Year Gone By
by hughsie
Summary: What happens when Ste and Brendan see each other again at Cheryl's wedding after almost a year apart. Mix of canon/non canon.
1. Chapter 1

**So, I decided to write this after coming up with an idea that I originally said someone else should write. However, I was in a slight creative mode and was swayed into giving it a try. Lets hope this isn't awful and that this creative streak lasts long enough for me to finish it. I would like to give an extra little nod to the lovely Love Out Of Lust as her need for porn fic drove me to try this. I will attempt porn, just for you. **

_ For the sake of this, Seamus is alive, Dublin never happened and Seamus was only in HO for a few weeks. He is also separated from Cheryl's mum. Nate and Cheryl still happened as on the show. It is based on things that happened on the show, but with things added in for pleasure or plot devices. Not a great deal of dialogue, so if it's not your thing, there is your warning. _

**_Year Gone By_**

* * *

_**Mr Hay and Mr Carter**_

_Mr __**Seamus Brady**__ and Ms __**Kathleen Brady**__  
request the pleasure of your company  
at the marriage of their daughter  
__**Cheryl Brady**__ to__** Nathan Tenbury-Newent**__  
at __**Highview Manor Estate**__, Donegal,  
on __**27**__**th**__** September 2013**__,  
at, __**11am**_

_**RSVP**_

* * *

Ste had received the invite in the post back in April, RSVP'd without a second thought. Cheryl was his best friend, or at least used to be before she moved back to Ireland with Nate. He'd phoned her, full of congratulations from Doug and himself and couldn't wait to visit her new house, or rather, manor.

It was only when he'd been speaking to her about the details and colour schemes to make sure his suit didn't interfere with the best man and ushers, that she'd mentioned Brendan. It seemed somehow, Ste had managed to forget that Brendan would inevitably be at this wedding. He moved away from the village within weeks of Cheryl leaving. There had been an awkward goodbye, only occurred by chance as Ste passed Brendan lugging his cases down from the flat. He'd asked if he was going on holiday, Brendan muttered something like, you could say that, but just permanently.

There was no denying it had knocked Ste for six, so to make the most of it, he'd offered to help bring down the last of Brendan's stuff. There had been a hug of sorts, neither wanting to embrace each other fully, nor did they want to let go. The parting words had been, 'take care of yourself Steven', to which he could only reply with a feeble, 'you too'.

Since then, Ste had just continued to play the respectable business man and happy husband, and it was mostly true. He was a respectable business man now, by some miracle the deli had taken a turn and they were raking in the profits. It seemed they were being advertised somewhere, but Ste had no idea how, neither he nor Doug had paid for it, but there were no complaints from them.

The happy husband part was true, if you looked at it through rose tinted glasses. He wasn't unhappy, not at all. He just wasn't fulfilled, wasn't excited, there was no passion with Doug any more. They fitted the role of business partners better than they did husbands, heck, Ste didn't even wear his ring anymore after a risky near miss in the deli.

But now Ste was at the airport with Doug, Leah and Lucas. He was about to board a plane to Ireland for his best friend's wedding, but he was also about to face Brendan, his ex of sorts. They'd never officially been together, but he'd be lying to himself if he said he wasn't filled with an insane lust every time he'd see him. Lust and possessiveness.

He felt possessive over Brendan, knew that he was one of the few who were inside the walls he built up and no matter what happened with them, it was something he didn't like to share. Ste had to admit to himself, he was slightly concerned at his fear and jealousy of Brendan rocking up to the wedding with another guy, didn't know how he'd react. He was even more concerned about Doug clocking on to this fact.

"Ste. Ste. Anyone home? Ste"

"DADDY" Leah shouted, finally getting his attention. He was on the receiving end of a furrowed brow look from Doug.

"Sorry darlin'. Daddy was just thinking, making sure we've got everything" he lied to placate his daughter.

"We definitely have everything, remember, we made a list. Look" Leah said pulling the list, her pride and joy, from her pocket. She'd written it all by herself, with only a few hints from Ste. He was unsure who was more proud, him or Leah.

"I know we do now, because you're my little brainbox and you made sure of it".

"Yep" Leah beamed. There was a brief pause before she continued. "Are we going to see aunty Cheryl again? Is she going to look like a princess?"

"She'll definitely look like a princess, one of THE prettiest princesses you'll ever see. And everyone will be there to see her, so you need to behave for Daddy and not fight with Lucas"

Ste loved his children, but he could imagine the horror if the two of them started bickering during the ceremony.

"Yes, I know. Everyone will be there? Does that mean hairy Brendan will be there as well? I miss him. He read me a story once, in a funny voice" Leah giggled.

Ste wasn't quite sure what his face was doing, but it had certainly caught Doug's attention. He was trying to find his voice again, whilst his mind was flooding with memories of Brendan reading The Three Little Pigs to Leah in a strange London accent. He heard Doug answer before he'd got his thoughts back in order.

"Yep, hairy Brendan will be there as well sweetie pie. But he'll have his children with him, so you need to make sure he gets to spend time with them. They live with their Mummy, like you live with Daddy, so they miss him" Doug explained.

Whilst what Doug said was true, he knew Leah had always been besotted with Brendan and didn't want her to overcrowd him, Ste couldn't help but think that there was some underlying tension in Doug's words. He wasn't explaining to Leah, he was telling her. It didn't quite sit right with him, for some reason.

"I'm sure there will be plenty of time to play with hairy Brendan, but we'll see when we get there"

They were called through to board their plane at the perfect moment, too much rushing around and growing eyes in the back of their heads watching the children to worry about the impromptu mention of Brendan.

It had been decided they would split into twos, Ste and Lucas, Doug and Leah. Lucas was a shy child, had never really taken to Doug or at least not enough to sit with him for the short journey to Ireland. Leah didn't care, she'd grow up to be the life and soul of the party.

They eventually made it to their seats, but unfortunately were a good few rows apart. An older lady took her place in the spare seat next to Ste and Lucas and shortly afterwards the plane took off.

About 15 minutes into the journey, all the excitement had Lucas chattering away, the most Ste had heard him speak in a while, and if Ste was being honest, he was relieved. He'd been starting to get slightly worried about how quiet he'd become, even asked at the nursery how he was doing, but had been assured he was fine.

They were talking a lot about a little, Ste making up facts about where they were flying over, his geography knowledge was non-existent, but it kept Lucas interested. They'd been quiet for a short while when Lucas asked a question.

"Will I get to see the hairy man, daddy?" he'd asked eyes bright.

"Hairy man? You mean Brendan?" to which Lucas nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, he's Cheryl's big brother so he'll be there. I bet he'll be really happy for his baby sister as well." Ste explained, slightly surprised by Lucas' intrigue.

"Do you think he'll let me have cake again?" Lucas asked.

"Again? When did he let you have cake before?" This was all new information to Ste and the fact that Lucas, one of the shyest children in his nursery, was asking whether he could talk to Brendan again made his heart swell. It was a reaction Ste knew he should no longer be feeling.

"I don't remember. But it was at home, he let me have cake. And it was bedtime. You and Doug never let me have cake at bedtime. He made me laugh, because his voice sounds funny. Like Doug has a funny voice, but hairy Brendan's is funnier" Lucas continued.

To say Ste was shocked was an understatement. He'd just realised how well his children had taken to Brendan, in such a short time, compared to how they'd taken to Doug.

Ste realised he'd spent an awful lot of time recently, comparing Brendan and Doug, something he really shouldn't do. Because no matter how frequently Brendan comes out on top, he always loses in the long run. He isn't ready to fully commit to a gay relationship and Ste couldn't continue to be a secret, it was too much hassle and heartache.

He wanted to be proud of who he was and be proud to be on Brendan's arm, like he was Doug's and he knew he'd have been waiting a long time for that and he just didn't have it in him. Especially not now that Amy had trusted him to look after the children whilst she returned to college full time in Manchester. He needed stability and normality, for their sakes as well as his own.

The journey had come to an end and they were due to land any moment now. Ste gave Lucas a boiled sweet to suck, to stop his ears from popping, then just about managed to pass the packet back to Doug and Leah. He'd never been sure if it worked, but it was something that Tony had told him to try, after the disaster flight to Florida a couple of years back.

Both children seemed happy enough as they waited for their luggage to appear on the conveyor belt, whilst simultaneously both trying to climb on and go round with the luggage. Luckily, they didn't have to wait too long for it and managed to make a hasty escape out of the airport. Cheryl had arranged for someone to come and collect them from the airport, as it was apparently quite a journey to the manor and he nor Doug could drive. Legally, anyway.

The four of them made their way towards the arrivals lounge, hoping their driver was ready and waiting. Ste was eager to see Cheryl and gets the kids sorted for bed, as time was pushing on. Stepping through the doors, to where all the drivers were waiting, he was taken by surprise.

"Hello, Steven".


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you all ever so much for your reviews you lovely little cherubs, I'm as pleased as punch. I will try my damn hardest to keep in the zone and finish this in a reasonable time frame and not give up like I do most things haha.**

**I have the beginning, middle and end of this planned, but I don't have the exact pacing of how I am going to get there, so at this moment it could end up being dreadfully long or a tiny little thing. Here we go.**

**_Chapter Two._**

"Hello, Steven".

Ste's mind was whirring, he felt as if you could see the colour draining from his face. He knew he'd have to face Brendan, he just didn't think it would be right here, right now. He realised he had stopped in his tracks and he desperately tried to get his thoughts in order.

"Brendan?" It wasn't Ste who said it, but Doug.

"Douglas, always a pleasure" Brendan quipped with his usual dry humour and glint in his eye.

"Hairy Brendan" Leah called as she ran towards him. He scooped her up and gave her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Hello Leah darlin', how are you?" Brendan asked, matching Leah's excitement and enthusiasm.

"I'm good. I get to see Cheryl as a princess soon and I get to wear a pretty dress as well" she explained.

"Well, you'll both look beautiful."

He put Leah down and gave Lucas' hair a ruffle before asking him how he was. Brendan got enough of a hello before he shied away behind Ste again.

Ste was still rooted to the same spot, not quite believing the sight in front of him, the happiness his children are expressing towards Brendan and the happiness being returned in equal measure from Brendan. He finally found his voice again after hearing Doug clear his throat from behind him.

"Iya" was all he managed to croak out, not quite meeting Brendan eyes.

"We weren't expecting to see you so soon Brendan, Cheryl said she had one of their drivers collecting us" Doug enquired suspiciously,

"Well, that was the plan, but I drove over from Dublin earlier on today and was passing the airport. Cheryl rang to ask me if I didn't mind waiting for you to arrive because one of the cars has a scratch. It's gone off to be painted over before Friday, because that's the life my sister leads now. So, unless you planned to hang around here all day, let's get cracking. I've been driving for the last 3 and a bit hours, still got another 40 minutes to go, so if you don't mind" he said ending the conversation and taking Leah's hand, walking in the direction of the exit.

Ste and Doug picked up their bags again and followed suit. Lucas ran ahead and held Brendan's other hand. There was just enough distance for the two of them to talk without Brendan over hearing.

"Did you know he was picking us up Ste?" Doug questioned, ever suspicious.

"Yeah right, that was the reaction of someone in the know. I were expecting a dead posh driver and car"

"That was definitely some reaction, you weren't wrong there"

"Ey-ar, what's that supposed to mean?" Ste asked, his accent becoming a lot more prominent.

"Well, you don't have to look so infatuated and gobsmacked still"

"Of course I'm gonna be gobsmacked right. You're telling me that if an ex suddenly appeared at the airport to pick you and your family up, you wouldn't be a bit shocked?" Ste asked infuriated that this conversation had already started.

When Doug didn't respond Ste continued "No, I didn't think so. I can't be doing with this all weekend, right Doug. I thought we'd got past all of this, months ago. We're here for a week, for Cheryl and Nate and that's all" Ste stressed.

"Fine, if you say so" Doug sighed

They were outside by this point, having caught up with Brendan and the children. They followed him towards the car park, hoping it wasn't too much further as the cases were getting a bit heavy. Ste let out a sigh as he swapped arms again, prompting Brendan to turn his head.

"You still got them chicken arms? Here, let me" he said, offering Leah's hand in place of the large holdall Ste had.

"Oi, I don't have chicken arms, thank you very much" was the cheeky answer from Ste, but he took Brendan up on the offer anyway.

As he passed it over, his fingers brushed Brendan's and it confirmed something he was hoping he could supress for the week. The spark was still there and he knew fully well that Brendan had felt the electricity between them was still present, even with the slightest touch. It was as if it was visible, as almost instantly after the brief touch, Doug entwined his fingers with Ste's spare hand, sending a message to Brendan in doing so.

Ste couldn't help but think that it wasn't Brendan that needed the message, but him. He felt like a hormonal teenager who couldn't keep his feelings intact. He felt absolutely terrible for Doug, because whilst he wasn't about to run off with Brendan, he shouldn't been feeling these emotions for him. Especially when he hasn't felt them with Doug in such a long time; thinking back, he's not sure if he ever did.

Once they'd reached the car, it was decided that the kids would sit in the back, Ste in between and Doug in the front. It was a more awkward combination, but it saved arguments between the children and dodgy looks from Doug if Ste had suggested sitting in the front himself.

Brendan climbed in the car.

"Isn't this cosy. Proper happy family these days, aren't you?" Brendan said with a goading tone.

"Yeah well, that happens when there's no one around to get involved and cause trouble, isn't that right Ste?"

"Err, yeh. That's it" Ste said with caution.

"I'm happy for you guys. Really I am. From the bottom of my cold heart"

"Brendan, what you being like this for? We're here for Cheryl's wedding, I can't be doing with you winding us up and making snappy comments alright? Not on top of everything else" Ste turned to look at Doug pointedly at the end of his sentence.

"Alright Steven, just for you. You'll get nothing but my best behaviour."

They sat in an awkward silence for the rest of the journey as the kids fell asleep almost as soon as they'd started driving. Ste was looking around in the holdall for his headphones, he'd decided if no one was going to talk, then he'd listen to some music. When he couldn't find them, he called Doug to have a look in his bag.

"Lover boys asleep Steven" he heard Brendan say when he didn't get a response from Doug.

"Oh. I can't find me headphones. The silence is doing me head in."

Seconds later he could hear the familiar sound of Lady Gaga.

"You have this in your car? Well, I never thought I'd see the day; big man Brendan chilling to Gaga" Ste's booming laugh echoed around the car.

"Shhh, you'll wake eyebrows. And the kids. Anyway, I think this CD is yours. Haven't used this car in a while. Got meself a motorbike. Brum brum." Brendan explained with a wink.

"I blamed Amy for taking this cd for ages when she moved. You had it all along! Wait, what? You have a motorbike? Surprised you haven't got yourself killed, your driving's bad enough."

"That's what a helmets for, and all me leathers"

"You in a helmet, that's something I'd like to see" Ste chuckled.

"Well, I'll take you out on it whilst you're over, remind you how the big boys roll."

Brendan was looking at Ste intensely in the rear view mirror. He caught Ste's eye and frowned, ever so slightly. After a silence, filled with electricity neither one could explain, Ste carried on.

"Yeah. Yeah, that's be mint. Now, eyes back on the road, before you get us all killed."

Brendan did as he said and they spent the rest of the journey in yet more silence. Only this time, it was comforting.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you lovelies for all the reviews. I wasn't 100% happy with the last chapter, but I needed it to get them to Cheryl's and it wouldn't have worked as well if there was no middle ground.**_

_**Here is to chapter three, in theory it should get a bit more lively now. **_

**Chapter Three**

They finally arrived and got themselves settled into the guestrooms. Leah and Lucas were in the adjoining room to Ste and Doug. They were staying in the 'west wing' of the house, Ste not really sure why it made a difference to have wings of a house. They hung up their suits and Leah's dress and then made their way back to the lounge, leaving the kids asleep in bed.

"It's dead posh this house, 'int it?" Ste pointed out, touching and nosing at all the ornaments along the way.

"Yeah, it's really nice. Ste, stop touching everything, you're worse than the kids"

"Ey-ar, I'm just having a look, don't be so boring. Was it through this door?"

He opened the door before Doug had a chance to respond. It was definitely not the right door.

"Oh god. Sorry Brendan" Ste stammered, shutting the door behind him, but not before Doug and he got an eyeful of Brendan in the nude.

"Christ Ste, you always manage it don't you? Sometimes I think you enjoy the awkwardness between us" Doug joked.

"It was an accident, alright Doug? I thought it were the lounge"

"Jeez Ste, calm down. I was only joking"

To say that seeing Brendan in a state of undress had made Ste hot under the collar was an understatement. He'd always appreciated Brendan's body, you'd be mad not to, but seeing him again just then, made him realise how much he'd missed his body. Ste was hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt hot.

"C'mon, I think it's through this door" Doug led the way and was right.

Cheryl and Nate were sat on a plush sofa, champagne glass in hand.

"Ah, you guys! Come here" Cheryl shrieked as she jumped up off the sofa and pulled the two of them into a hug.

"Cheryl, how the devil are you?" Doug asked.

"I'm grand! I'm getting married in a matter of days and I've got my man, my best friends and my brother all together. What more could a girl want?" Cheryl was euphoric.

"Ah, I'm glad you're happy Chez, you deserve it"

"Truer words have never been spoken Steven" Ste heard Brendan say from behind him. "Now, are we all going to stand around all day, or are we going to start the celebrations?"

Brendan walked round to the table, poured himself a generous glug of whiskey and knocked it back in one. He poured himself a second instantly.

"Douglas, what's your tipple of choice?"

"I'll just have a glass of white, if that's okay"

"Nathan?"

"I'll have a top up of the champagne please Brendan" passing his glass over.

Brendan complied, pouring drinks and handing them out where necessary. Cheryl decided on a top up of champagne as well.

"Here, Brendan. Can I have a –"

"Beer, yes I know Steven" he said turning round with a bottle of Desperados in his hand. He handed it over to Ste and then took a seat on the single arm chair.

"Good to know that you owning a club hasn't gone to waste" joked Ste.

Ste and Doug took a seat, Doug next to Nate and Ste at the end of the sofa, next to Cheryl. They chatted animatedly between each other, drinks flowing continuously. Cheryl explained all about how Nate had proposed, casually flashing her enormous engagement ring at every chance. Ste and Doug spoke briefly about the deli and Brendan mentioned that he had a new club in Manchester, a world apart from Chez Chez. They then got onto the topic of children, Ste proudly telling them about how well Leah had been doing at school and Lucas' ever increasing judo skills, Olympic star in the making, Ste had called him.

Brendan mentioned that he'd been to see his boys for a few days prior to the wedding, it's why he'd been in Dublin. Declan had just finished his Junior Certificate and was starting his Leavers Certificate. Padraig was in his second year of secondary school, and accordingly to Eileen he was far too similar to Brendan for her liking, the poor boy.

Ste slipped off to the toilet. He had a good look at himself in the mirror and he could see that he was more than a little bit tipsy. His lips were full, his eyes were bright yet heavy lidded and his face was flushed. Ste splashed his face with cold water in an attempt to sober himself up slightly, although he knew he was bound to drink more if Cheryl had her way.

He opened the door and walked straight into Brendan, literally.

"Oh. Sorry" Brendan said as he put an arm out to steady Ste.

"No worries. Think I've had a bit much to drink, ya'know. My face is all red"

"Your face is fine Steven. It always is". Brendan was staring at Ste, their eyes locked, arm still holding onto Ste's elbow.

The air was thick with tension and Ste wasn't sure what had come over him, but he was in the process of moving Brendan's arm off of him and pulling him towards him.

"Guys! It's time for drinking games" Cheryl's voice rang out, prompting Ste and Brendan to jump apart.

Brendan cleared his throat and maneuvered himself past Ste into the bathroom. Cheryl said something about getting changed into her pyjamas as she continued down the hallway. Ste lent against the wall, taking some deep breaths. He wasn't sure what had come over him. Not even 12 hours being back in Brendan's company and he was willing to sacrifice everything he's built up for himself in the blink of an eye.

There was a time when he could blame this all on Brendan and that it was all part of his controlling games, but that excuse had gone out the window a long time ago. This really was all on him.

He heard the door being unlocked.

"Bren? Look, about a minute ago-"

"Don't mention it Steven. It was nothing, just the drink, right?"

"Right. Just the drink" Ste agreed for the ease of it all. They both knew otherwise.

Cheryl came bounding back down the hallway, grabbing onto Ste's hand, dragging him into the front room. She plonked herself back down on the sofa, Ste next to her.

"I've decided we're going to play a really old and easy game. We're going to play I've Never"

The other four all groaned simultaneously.

"Chez, we're not 15 for Christ's sake." Brendan sighed, knocking back another whiskey.

"I don't want to hear it. We're playing it and that is final. Top your drinks up and let's get cracking" Cheryl ordered.

The game went down far better than Ste was expecting, it was definitely risky business playing it with your husband and ex, but so far the questions had all been generic and saucy, nothing to make him sweat.

"I've never had sex with a man and a woman" Nate asked.

Ste, Doug and Brendan all took a drink. It was Cheryl's go now and each time it filled Ste with a tiny prickle of fear. She knew almost everything and the more she drank, the more dangerous she became with the knowledge.

"I've never been caught having sex at work"

Everyone eyed each other, then looked on as Ste and Brendan drank. Cheryl's booming laugh echoed through the room.

"Far too often you two, you just couldn't keep it in your pants" she carried on laughing.

"Chez, watch it" Brendan warned.

Doug was eyeing them up with a look Ste was unfamiliar with. It was a cross between jealousy and power. It unnerved Ste.

It was his question now and he was struggling to think of something he'd not done, especially with Brendan. He finally thought of something.

"I've never scared a housemate into sleeping with my brother and then moving out" he knowingly said, eyeing up Cheryl

"Ste! I thought we were a team. How could you pick on me like this" Cheryl joked, filling up her now empty glass. "And you Brendan, getting with him right under our noses. No letting us down gently with you, is there?"

"Well sis, a man's got needs" his eyes flicking ever so quickly to Ste.

They called it quits not long after, all five of them in an alcohol induced haze. Cheryl and Nate were the first to leave, making their way to their room. Brendan followed, not wanting to play third wheel for the second time that day. Doug stood up.

"You coming" he asked Ste.

"Yeah, I'll just give this a quick clear up, then I'll be through alright?"

Doug went off towards the bedroom and Ste bagged up all the empties. He didn't risk taking the glasses into the kitchen in fear of dropping one and waking everyone up. He was alarmed at how much they'd managed to drink between them, the reality that he was going to wake up hung over sinking in. He didn't know where the rubbish bag went, so he propped it against the sofa and took a seat on it again. The second he closed his eyes, he was asleep.

A couple of hours later he was aware of someone sitting down on the other end of the sofa. He opened his eyes, hissing as he realised a light was on.

"Brendan? What you doing up?" surprised that it wasn't Doug checking up on him.

"Got myself a glass of water, I've drunk far too much and I think I'm already hung over. Didn't even see you there till I sat down"

"I'm with you on the drinking too much. D'you know what the time is? Our Leah is an early riser, I need to plan how much sleep I'm gonna get."

"It is, 3:40" Brendan said looking at his watch.

"So, I might get three hours, if I'm lucky. Do you think if I just stay here all night, Doug will deal with her when she goes into my room in the morning?"

"Depends how found of Douglas she is. I certainly know who I'd prefer to wake up to"

Ste couldn't help but think this was falling into dangerous territory, late night drunken chats with Brendan.

"If it's any consolation, I think Leah would prefer you, over me and Doug combined. I can send her your way if you want?" he replied taking the conversation back to safer ground.

"Nah, you're alright thanks. The few years I was around with Deccy and Paddy were bad enough."

There was an ease to Brendan's voice that Ste hadn't heard in a long time and if the smile on his face was anything to go by, Ste knew if he asked, Brendan would get up at the crack of dawn for Leah and Lucas.

"You excited for the wedding then?" Ste asked. He knew Brendan wasn't one for big events, but this was Cheryl's big day and Ste knew that Brendan would put up with, and do anything for her.

"Yeah, yeah I am. She deserves this, you know? After everything she's put up with over the last few years. And her terrible choice in men previously makes me appreciate Nate. He's a good lad."

"He seems decent. Well, he would be. Anyone's an upgrade from Warren ey". Ste's donkey laugh bounced off the walls.

"Shhh. Jesus Steven, you'll wake the whole of Ireland with that laugh."

"Don't pretend you haven't missed it Brendan"

"I can honestly say Steven, hand on heart, that is probably the only thing about you I've not missed"

"Aww, you soppy mare. I've missed you too. It's not the same in the village without you and Chez"

"But you're happy though, right Steven?"

"Yeah. I think so"

"Good. That's good". There was a look in Brendan's eyes that was saying this was serious. That he needed Ste to be happy, even if it was without him. Ste just smiled at him, Brendan giving a small one in return.

The conversation ended there, having taken on a slightly more serious tone. They sat in silence for a while before Ste could hear Brendan's deep breathing. He knew he'd fallen asleep, it was a noise he'd come to know well. He told himself five more minutes, then he'd go to his room. He didn't want to move yet in case he woke Brendan up, he knew he was a light sleeper for the first few minutes. Those five minutes turned into sleeping right through until 8 o'clock. He was woken by someone clearing their throat. It took Ste a minute to get his bearings and it was only when he opened his eyes and saw Doug's stony face, he realised he'd been asleep on Brendan's shoulder.

"Good night, was it Ste?"


	4. Chapter 4

_**This is now far longer than I had planned, so I do hope you guys stick with me and gives me your thoughts on it! The soundtrack to this chapter has been Death Cab For Cutie. If you've not heard of them, do go and listen. Especially to I Will Follow You Into The Dark for Stendan feels or Soul Meets Body for an amazing song.**_

**Chapter Four**

"Good night, was it Ste?"

Ste looked up in a startled manner, but the hangover that was present a well as his tiredness dulled and slowed his reaction. He decided that the best way to play this would be to feign complete ignorance. Nothing had happened, so there was no need to make any fuss over it. It was two friends who had had too much to drink, falling asleep together.

"What time is it Doug?"

"What time is it? I find you cuddled up to your ex and you ask what time it is. Really Ste?"

"Give it a rest Doug. I was tidying up right, dozed off on the sofa. Brendan woke me up getting a glass of water and I obviously fell asleep out here again."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?" Doug looked at Ste incredulously.

"Yes, that's all I have to say, because that's all that happened" Ste was not in the mood to be arguing with Doug, but he was wrung tightly this morning, he knew if Doug kept pushing he wouldn't keep a lid on his temper.

"Ladies, ladies. If you're going to have a domestic, please, do it in private. Some of us are trying to sleep here."

Brendan had woken up and was stretching. His t-shirt rode up, Ste noticed, and it took all of his willpower not to stare.

"Yeah, I noticed. You just happened to be sleeping with my husband, Brendan."

Brendan's complete nonchalance to the situation wasn't helping matters and just increased Ste's need to defend the situation for what it was, nothing.

"Oh for gods sake Doug. NOTHING HAPPENED. I just fell asleep. Brendan is irrelevant, you wouldn't be making a big deal like this if it was Cheryl or Nate or absolutely anyone else, so why do you need to make a mountain out of a mole hill, just because it's Brendan?"

"You've answered your question yourself. It's because it is _Brendan_, Ste."

"That's fine, talk about me as if I'm not here" he heard Brendan mutter to himself, but still making no effort to move, just resting his hands behind his head closing his eyes again.

Ste knew there was only one way he could play this now, and he could only hope that it would work. It was a risky way to defuse the situation and there was the fear that it could backfire in his face in an epic fashion. He had to make a choice as to who was more likely to believe a lie and least likely to be wounded by his words.

"I've had enough of this Doug. It's been 12 hours and you're already needlessly insecure about Brendan. He's irrelevant Doug"

Ste had got it wrong. Wound number one.

"Your insecurities are just boring now, he's nothing to me now, just an ex"

Wound number two.

"When have I ever mentioned him to make you paranoid like this? I don't even think about him anymore"

Wound number three.

"It's you I married Doug, it's you I want"

Wound number four. The fatal one followed.

"It's you I love". Wound number five.

Ste finally paused to breathe, realising the impact of his words. Doug drank in every word Ste had said, believing them entirely. In his eyes, if Ste could say all of that in Brendan's presence, then it was true. He could see Doug's paranoia seeping away, his trust in Ste replacing it. It was misguided, because Ste knew that his outburst was a lie. He now just needed Brendan to realise that as well, although he didn't know why, he shouldn't _want_ Brendan to know he still thought about him.

He dared himself to look at Brendan. He'd not moved from his position, hands still behind his head, legs stretched out and eyes closed, but he could see the twitch in his face, the one that said he'd _believed_ every word Ste had said. He'd not been counting on that, he'd been hoping that Brendan would see through his empty words, like he had in the past. He'd been putting too much faith in their history, in their past connection. He'd not accounted for the fact that Brendan might believe him, that he might be, dare he say it, hurt by his words. There was also the other possibility, the one that Ste daren't think about, the possibility that Brendan might have actually moved on, that his few flirtatious comments to Ste were for no other reason than to humour him.

Ste had shocked himself with his own thoughts. He was well aware that he and Brendan had missed their boat, that what could have been, will never be, but he was naïve enough to think that they'd both, he and Brendan, always have that spark, that connection. He never thought for one minute that Brendan would actually get over it fully, because as much as he liked to think otherwise, Ste knew he wasn't, would never be. No amount of weddings, rings and love declarations would ever erase Brendan from his life, from his thoughts. Ste knew that it was quite a sad fact, but it was one he would just have to live with.

Brendan finally spoke, tearing Ste from his internal dilema.

"Well, as nice as it is to know what people think about me" he looked at Ste "or don't think about me, I'm going back to bed. Let's hope you ladies are in a better mood before the soirée tonight" and with that Brendan strode off to his room.

Ste heard him slam the door with a force that was intentional and he felt the irrational guilt, or was it fear; churn over in his stomach again.

Ste glanced over at Doug, who was looking far more pleased than Ste liked. He'd made the right choice, choosing Doug a year ago, he had to believe that.

Before he had a chance to clear the air with Doug, Leah came skipping into the front room.

"Morning Daddy"

He picked up his little girl, giving her a big kiss. He was holding onto her tighter than usual, Leah and Lucas were the only certainties in his life, the only ones whose love was solid, concrete and forever.

"Hello princess, did you sleep well?"

"Yep. It was the comfiest bed ever. Eurgh, Daddy you smell funny. Like beer" Leah wrinkled her nose and laughed at her Dads faux angry face.

"Well then. That's me told. Doug, gonna go for a shower, you OK with the kids for the moment?" Doug nodded. "Leah, is Lucas still asleep?"

Leah assured him he was and sat down, turning the TV on and making herself at home. Doug joined her and gave Ste a small smile. It seemed he was off the hook for the most part.

* * *

Ste took longer than necessary in the shower, making the most of the alone time. It was the only place Doug never interrupted him. Ironically, it was the place Brendan always interrupted him. He let the warm water run over his face, trying to rid himself of these memories of Brendan. They were doing no-one any good and he had to make sure nothing came of them. Ste told himself over and over, it was just seeing Brendan again which had brought it all to the forefront. He wasn't actually missing Brendan and he was happy with Doug. If he could convince himself, he could pretend it was true.

He stepped out the shower and wiped the steamed up mirror. His reflection was much better than before his shower, he looked refreshed and awake. He brushed his teeth, moisturised his face as part of a routine that his 18 year old self would have mocked and made his way into his room. His towel was hung loosely around his hips.

He bumped into Cheryl just as he reached his room.

"Oh, hiya babe. You're up early. Thought you'd have wanted a lie in with how much you drank. I know I did" Cheryl laughed.

"No chance. Not with our Leah, she's an early riser. She's watching TV in the lounge. That's OK with you?" he added as an afterthought.

"Of course it is hun. Just about to make a coffee, you and Doug want one?"

"Oh, ta. I have milk, one sugar and Doug has no milk one sugar."

"Right. Milk one sugar, no milk one sugar. Got it. Brendan'll have milk two sugars"

"Ere', you should probably give him three sugars. He was proper hung over when I saw him this morning and I don't think he's in a great mood" Ste prompted Cheryl, thinking back to all the times he joked about his coffee preferences and hen about the conversation he'd just had in front of him.

"Fab. I'll see you in a mo" and with that Cheryl pottered off to the kitchen.

Ste opened the door to his room and it was empty still. He threw on some jeans and a thin jumper and decided to leave his hair product free. He popped his head around the adjoining room door and saw that Lucas' bed was empty. He must be watching TV with the rest of them.

Arriving back in the front room Ste saw that Leah and Doug were still in the same place and Lucas wasn't with them. He wasn't particularly worried, he couldn't really go anywhere in this house, but he didn't want Lucas to break anything if he was wandering around, that boy was so clumsy he was a danger to himself.

"Doug, have you seen Lucas? He's not in his bed anymore?" Ste asked, noticing that Doug jumped at the sound of his voice. He obviously hadn't realised he was there.

"No, he hasn't come in here. He not in the bathroom?" Doug asked.

"No. Chez is making us a coffee, tell her that there is a clumsy child on the loose in her house, ta"

Ste went back to his bedroom and double checked the kids room in case he was just being blind, but Lucas definitely wasn't in there, nor was he in the bathroom. Ste had a feeling he knew where he was and he wasn't sure how it made him feel.

He knocked on a door.

"Come in" he heard from the other side of it.

He gingerly opened the door and was hoping what was on the other side wasn't going to make his heart melt, or worse, make his blood pump.

"Iya, is our Lucas in here? He's done a disappearing act" Ste asked cautiously, not sure what Brendan's mood would be after what he heard earlier.

"I'm here Daddy!"

Lucas jumped out from behind the curtain.

"What you doing behind there Mr?"

"Brendan saw a deer! I saw it as well! It had really big an… ant… horns" Lucas exclaimed. "We decided to name it. Brendan chose the name. Brendan said we should call it Bambi."

"Bambi ey?" Ste asked, giving Brendan a very knowing look.

"Yep. Why did you say it was called Bambi again? I forgot."

"Well, it's called Bambi because as lovely and cuddly they look, they can be very strong and vicious if they're backed into a corner though. Isn't that right Steven?"

The knowing look had faltered, it was now more a look that spoke of every emotion, something so heavy and encompassing that Ste didn't have the words to explain.

Bambi was his nickname. Brendan likened him to the cartoon deer because of his bright blue eyes and the way he was so open, wore his heart on his sleeve, much to his own annoyance. This new comparison wasn't what he wanted to hear. He didn't want to be this new, vicious Bambi, not to anyone, least of all Brendan.

"Yep, that's right Brendan. But you have to remember sometimes they aren't given a choice. It's that fight or flight response we're all born with. Some of us fight for what we want. Others runaway" Ste retorted with a sense of power.

"Sometimes it's the flight response that will save you, that choosing to fight is the wrong choice, the one that will get you killed. Remember that Lucas, when you're older"

Were they really having this discussion through metaphors about deer's, in front of Lucas? Not that he was none the wiser, but Ste thought to himself. Have they really come to this? They were interrupted by Cheryl and for once, Ste was grateful for it.

"Mornin' Bren, bought you a coffee. Oh, hey Ste, hey wee fella. What you's both doing in here?" Cheryl handed Brendan his coffee.

Ste was about to answer when Lucas beat him to it.

"I got up to find Daddy and Doug and Leah, but I saw Brendan first. He was going back to bed, he said Daddy gave him a headache. Then he saw the deer so I went and looked and saw it as well. We called it Bambi"

"Bambi ay?" Cheryl was looking between Ste and Brendan.

Brendan took a sip of his coffee even though it was still far too hot to drink, Ste preferred it when it was lukewarm.

"Three sugars sis, you never disappoint" he said as he lounged back on his bed.

"I'd love to take the credit Bren, but Ste here told me"

Brendan looked up at Ste and let out a laugh.

"After all the times you went on at me about being a, what was it? Tubby?"

"Ey-ar, I was only bothered back then because I was with ya. Didn't want you showing me up"

"Did you hear that sis? Charmin' ain't he?"

Cheryl laughed. The awkwardness from moments ago gone. He was always thankful to Cheryl for that, she was a much needed light relief for both Ste and Brendan.

"Never listened to you anyway. What do you think? Has having three sugars made me tubby?" Brendan asked egotistically.

"I wouldn't say tubby. Can it make you grey? I can definitely see some greys?" and once again Ste's booming donkey laugh bounced around the room.

"Oh god, my head. It's too early for that noise" and with that Cheryl walked out.

"Right, c'mon mister, time for some brekkie. See ya later Bren" he said to Lucas

Ste gave a nod and left Brendan to his coffee and three sugars.

* * *

It was nearing lunchtime before they were all together again and Cheryl was suggesting they all go out for lunch somewhere, but Brendan and Nate reminded her that they'd be eating out this evening.

"So, it's only lunch. C'mon guys. Don't make me cook, you know I can't" she pleaded.

"Chez, it's not fair on Steven, he's got the kids with him as well. He doesn't wanna be dragging them around restaurants all day, an' they won't wanna go either, trust me on that one." Brendan's point being spot on.

Ste really didn't want to have to take the children out for lunch, as well as dinner and then the wedding all day in two days' time. It was too much for them, they'd act up eventually, and he knew it. An idea came to Ste.

"How about I cook us a lunch? Chez, you got much in? If not, where can I get some bits from?"

"Define what you mean by 'much'. I have all the ingredients to make a very exotic omelette if you want. Otherwise, you'll need to go to the shop"

"Shop it is. How far is it? Can I walk it? It'd be nice to have a look around"

"It ain't walking distance. I'll drive you Steven, I need a few bits anyway" Brendan offered.

"If you're sure. Gimme 5 minutes, then I'm ready when you are."

Ste walked into his room, grabbed his wallet and debated on whether to take a coat or not. Deciding against it he was about to re-join the others when Doug appeared in the door way.

"Alright? I won't be long, I'll just grab a few bits. I think I'll make us some wraps, y'know, chicken and lamb. Should I get tandoori stuff or Mexican and do fajitas? You alright watching the kids while we nip to the shop? I can always take 'em with me if you want. Get them out for a bit, use up some energy?"

"Do you know what? You're right, you should take them with you, wear them out a bit for tonight" Doug said.

Ste was certain that Doug was only saying that so he and Brendan wouldn't be alone, but Ste couldn't address the thought, seeing as he did pitch the idea. It would be good to get them out though, he decided he'd even get them a treat each for behaving on the flight over.

"Right, go tell 'em then. I'll grab their coats."

Ten minutes later, the four of them were out the door.

* * *

With the kids around, the not-so-brief shopping trip was uneventful. Brendan spoilt the children and purchased them far more sweets than anyone could ever eat. He'd said he wanted to treat them, he'd not seen them in a year and missed them. Ste's heart swelled at Brendan doting on his kids.

They were pulling up in Cheryl's driveway, which might have well been a road itself.

"Thank you for that Bren. It's good to get the kids out and they love ya, lord knows why" Ste said.

"It's just the effect I have on people, Steven. But my pleasure, you know I care for those two"

"I know. You've also stopped me worrying about Lucas"

"Why've you been worrying?" Brendan said with a bit more panic than Ste had anticipated.

Ste explained, lowering his voice so the kids wouldn't hear, although now they'd parked up, they were running up to the door and out of earshot.

"He's always been shy, you know that" Brendan nodded. "But recently, he's been dead quiet, like doesn't ever really talk at home or with Doug. He talks to me and Amy when she rings, but that's it. I even spoke to his teachers, to see if they'd noticed anything at school. They said he was fine, always chatting with the other kids and now I've seen him with you, and it's just eased that worry."

"He's a good kid. Hard to believe he's quiet, he's been a chatterbox today. I don't think you've got anything to worry about Steven" Brendan said in a serious tone.

"I know, it's just good to hear someone else who's got kids say it. Doug's great with them, don't get me wrong, but he doesn't get it when I worry at little things like that. I don't think you ever really get it, until you 'ave kids of your own" Ste shook his head. "Look at me, getting all sentimental over me kids. Sorry 'bout that"

"Never apologise for worrying about your children Steven, ever. Not to anyone."

"Got it. Right c'mon, you gonna put those muscles to use and help me carry this lot in?" Ste said, not realising that it was those kind of comments he should be steering clear of.

* * *

After cooking up a storm, Ste got to clearing the kitchen, insisting that as a guest and the cook, it was his duty to do the tidying up, much to Nate's dismay. Doug was outside on the phone, Leanne had called with an issue at the deli, and the children were engrossed in a game with Nate. Ste wasn't too sure what they were actually playing, but he could hear the fits of laughter echoing through the walls.

Finishing putting the last of the cutlery away, Ste went off to find Cheryl. He was passing Brendan's room when he could hear her voice through the door. He was about to knock, when he heard his name.

"Just talk to Ste. Tell him how you feel?" he heard her say.

"Oh right Chez, coz it's that easy. Hey Steven, you fancy giving up your husband, your business and probably your kids for me?" Brendan snapped back.

"Then tell him. Explain why you rejected him that day. Does he not deserve to know? He was willing to give it all up then." Cheryl soothed.

"He hadn't resolved himself to it all then, he had a choice and he wouldn't have lost anything with his choice. I made a choice then. I'm the reason we're in this situation, why _I'm _in this situation. I couldn't do that to him Chez, I couldn't put this all on him, and I couldn't ask him to choose me. Not now, it's too late"

Ste couldn't believe what he was hearing. Brendan chose to reject him that day, just after Amy left, originally taking the children with her. He'd gone to Brendan, pleaded with him, explained with all his heart that they could make it work if he just gave it a chance and he'd still said no. But now it sounded like he'd said no for a reason. It changed everything for Ste.

He'd chosen to be with Doug because he didn't think Brendan would ever be ready, that Brendan could ever give him the kind of relationship he needed. But what if he could? He'd seen today a glimpse of what life would be like if they tried, taking the kids shopping, sharing worries about them, joking around with ease and just being _happy _with each other.

Ste had to get away from there, couldn't listen to what else Brendan had to say, couldn't bear with any more what if's that this had awoken inside of him. In his rush to get away, he gave away his presence, catching his elbow on the door. Knowing that if he walked away now, it would bring light to the fact he was eavesdropping. He decided to play it as intentional.

"Hello, Brendan? You haven't seen Chez have you?" he said, opening the door slightly.

"Oh Ste! I'm in here hun" surprise evident in her voice, as if she'd just been caught doing something wrong.

Ste had to think on his toes.

"I was just coming to find you. I think you need to rein your fiancé in, the kids are gonna be far too lively this evening for your fancy meal, he's brilliant with them. Just you wait, you'll have your own sooner rather than later" Ste said with a wink.

"And on that note, I'm leaving" and she made her exit.

Once again, he found himself alone with Brendan, only now the air was thick with tension, unspoken truths hanging in the air. Brendan wasn't naïve when it came to Ste, he could see right through him. He knew fully well Ste had overheard them. Now it was just a case of whether he'd acknowledge it or pretend it was all fine.

"Steven" he started, before catching Ste's eye and going silent.

They stared at each other for a matter of seconds, although it felt like a lifetime. It said more than any amount of words between them would, filled with a kind of intensity that couldn't be explained. Ste knew he was treading a fine line, that he was at risk of making a decision that could change everything, and that he needed to get himself out of there quick. He still found himself staring, his feet not moving, legs like deadwood. Not knowing when it had happened, he realised that he was stood almost chest to chest with Brendan, faces inches apart from each other. It seemed he had no control over himself as he found himself leaning up to Brendan, pressing the lightest of kisses to his lips followed by brushing his fingers over his moustache.

"I know" was all he said as he made his way out of the bedroom.

What he knew was a mystery to him. Ste had never been more confused in his life.


	5. Chapter 5

**This ends rather abruptly, however I wanted to get this chapter out tonight, otherwise it would never come. Work has taken over I am afraid and if I didn't end it there, I would have been writing until the early hours of the morning and hated myself tomorrow. Once again, thank you for the lovely messages and encouragement from everyone, it has surpassed my expectations! So, here you go.**

**Chapter Five.**

"I know".

Ste rushed out of the bedroom, leaning against the wall for support. What had he just done? He daren't stay here, in case Brendan left his room. He debated whether to join the others and try and act normal, brush it under the carpet, but that run the risk of Cheryl catching on, it was something he couldn't have happen.

He opted for the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water and took a good look at himself in the mirror. He touched his lips. It had been a ghost of a kiss, barely there, yet he could still taste Brendan on his lips, the feeling, the emotion, all still the same as it was a year ago. Once he'd got his heart rate under control, got _himself_ under control, he vacated the bathroom.

The rest of the afternoon was mundane, nothing noteworthy happened. Doug explained that Leanne had set the alarm off in the deli and couldn't switch it off, Brendan left his room shortly after their shared moment, went out, still yet to return and Cheryl and Nate were busying around organising the last few bits of the big day. Ste, Doug and the children spent the afternoon as they would at home, a happy family unit. The guilt Ste was feeling had caused him to be extra tentative towards Doug and he was just hoping Doug wouldn't pick up on this fact, fearing he'd guess the reasoning behind it instantly.

Cheryl had arranged a pre-wedding dinner for a handful of wedding guests this evening, the table being booked for 7:30pm. It was nearing 5 o'clock by the time Brendan returned and he had a face like thunder. All day Ste had been umm-ing and ahh-ing about whether to broach the topic with Brendan when he next saw him. The mood he appeared to be in gave Ste his answer. No, he wouldn't.

Ste rallied the kids together, asked Nate to keep Lucas occupied whilst he got Leah ready for the meal, battled with her to let him dry her hair.

"Leah, you'll catch a cold if you don't let me dry your hair, now sit still please"

This was a battle Ste had with his daughter every day since Amy moved out. She would always say Ste hurt when he brushed her hair.

"Mum never hurt this much when she did it. Ouch" Leah said as Ste caught the comb on a knot. He knew he wasn't the best at this.

"What if Doug does it? Is that better?" he asked, anything to just get her to sit still.

"Nope. He hurts even more. I want Cheryl to do it, she's a girl."

"Leah, Cheryl's busy, she hasn't got time. Now will you please sit still?"

She was testing his patience right now. Leah started whinging and making noise for the sheer sake of it and Ste was about to give up, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" Ste said curtly.

"Steven. Leah causing you hassle, I could hear her outside?"

Brendan had poked his head round the door, not fully stepping into the room.

"It's fine. She just won't let me brush her hair. She never does and I don't have time for her games today" Ste huffed.

"I'll leave you to it. You know where I am if you, er, need a hand?" Brendan twitched nervously realising he couldn't be of much help, even if he wanted.

Before Ste had a chance to reply, Leah piped up.

"Brendan, can you dry my hair?" Leah looked at him like butter wouldn't melt.

Brendan looked torn. He didn't have it in him to say no to Leah, but he was unsure as to whether it was acceptable or not. He looked at Ste for some guidance, to try and get the answer he was meant to give. Ste gave him nothing, just looked at him, waiting to see what his next move would be.

"Well darlin', if your Daddy has given up and admits defeat, I'll give it a go" he answered, copping out, leaving the final decision in Ste's hands again.

"She's all yours. Enjoy" Ste said with a smirk.

He handed Brendan the comb, Brendan raising his eyebrows, as if it was a challenge.

"I'm going to start getting Lucas sorted, you OK in here?"

"We're fine dad. Brendan has lots of hair, just on his face, so he won't hurt when he brushes mine" Leah answered before Brendan had a chance.

Ste gave a final parting nod before he ventured back to the lounge to find the others. There was no sign of Doug, however Nate and Lucas were getting along like a house on fire. They were engrossed in a race on the scalextric that had now taken up most of the floor.

"Having fun there? How long have I been gone? Did I go back to 1995, I haven't seen one of these since I was about 7"

Nate looked up briefly and in that second his car flew off of the track.

"I win, I win" Lucas was ecstatic.

"We'll have a rematch tonight when your Dad can't interrupt us, deal?" Nate said, offering his hand to the boy.

"Deal. But I'll still win" Lucas shook his hand.

This trip was erasing all of Ste's worries that he'd had about Lucas. Seeing him get along so well with Nate made him proud, both as a father and a friend. Nate would be fantastic when the time come and he had children of his own with Cheryl. Lucas' budding friendship with Brendan was also a surprise to him, a very pleasant surprise.

"Right Mr Man, I think your Dad here, is on a mission to get you ready for tonight. Am I right Ste?" Nate stood up, exaggerating the hardship of it, much to Lucas' delight.

"Give me five. Leah has worn me out. I've left Brendan to dry her hair, she was too much. Anyway, where did you get a scalextric from? Always wanted one for me kids"

"I've had it for years, before you all came over I got a few old games out for the children to keep them occupied. Wait, did I just hear you right? Brendan's drying Leah's hair?"

"Yeah, she asked. She proper loves him she does, infatuated." Ste's smile faltered when he saw Nate's face. "What?"

"Just don't let Doug hear you say that" Nate warned.

"Why'd you say that? Brendan's just a mate, an ex" Ste's defence was up now.

"Surely you must realise it Ste?" Nate started. "He may be your ex, but there is no denying, the pair of you bounce off of each other with such ease. I never actually saw the two of you together first hand, but I've heard enough from Cheryl and even in the few hours I've seen you together here, I can see it. He clearly made far more of an impact on your children and yourself than you are aware of. A year away from each other and that is the impression you still give off to someone who is unaware of your history, just think about how your husband must be feeling"

Nate's comments had caught Ste off guard. Not because he didn't believe them, he knew fully well that everything Nate had just said was true, that there was a pull between Brendan and he, unexplainable but palpable. However, Ste had been misguided, he'd believed that it was only picked up on by Brendan and himself. He never for one second anticipated that other people may notice it, especially people who weren't even aware or around for the whole story.

Ste had been trying so hard to act nonchalant in front of Doug, he'd barely even registered that he should have kept his guard up around the others. He now had this added worry that the few people he knew, that would be guests at Cheryl's wedding, would make similar comments, only this time in Doug's presence.

Lucas broke Ste from this chain of thought, reminding him that he needed to get ready for the dinner, now that time was pushing on after his failure at getting Leah ready quickly. Nate excused himself, realising Ste was having an internal dilemma, said he needed to start getting ready and to check up on his fretting bride-to-be, so Ste went back to his room. What he returned to was not what he was expecting.

"What do you mean Leah asked you to dry her hair? What were you even doing in here Brendan?" he heard Doug's voice ring out, anger bubbling under the surface.

"I mean just that Douglas. I heard Steven struggling to settle Leah, poked my head round the door and ta-da, here I am"

"Well, I'm here now, so you can leave" Doug said point blank.

Leah didn't help the situation and Ste was still frozen at the door, not quite sure how to defuse the situation. Lucas was looking up at him, expression blank.

"Doug, Brendan is much better at doing my hair than you. Mummy is the best, then Brendan, then Daddy and then you. You really hurt and you shout at me when you hurt" Leah explained.

Ste figured it was time to intervene before the two of them became aggressive. He gently pushed Lucas into the room first, using his child as a shield for the potential slanging match that may or may not happen.

"Daddy! Look at my hair" Leah span on the spot for him.

"Very beautiful darling, I hope you behaved for Brendan?"

"She was as good as gold Steven, I don't know what you and Douglas have all the fuss over" Brendan said proudly, forgetting his brief altercation with Doug just seconds ago.

Doug however, had not.

"Ste, why are you letting Brendan play doting father to Leah?" Doug definitely did not beat around the bush with his question.

"What you on about Doug? He dried her hair coz she asked, alright?" Ste felt he had spent the duration of his trip so far, defending Brendan to his husband and whilst he knew it should make him feel guilty, it only increased the feelings he'd tried hard to bury last year. The feeling that he'd made a mistake marrying Doug, that had Brendan and he fought harder, they could have made it work.

"You've treated Brendan more like their step-dad in the what, 24 hours we've been here, than you've treated me in the whole time we've been married"

Ste used the only reply he could think of, knowing it was a million miles away from the reality.

"Well, Brendan has kids of his own right, so he's used to it. You're not Doug. You'd never even been around kids until you met me, so sorry if I was a bit weary to start"

In the background Ste could hear Brendan say his name, _Steven_, as a warning, that he should tread very lightly here.

"Oh yeah Ste, and what a great father he's been. His kids barely speak to him. You've known him 3 years and you've only met one of them. Yet according to you, Brendan has super dad skills" Doug was getting vicious now.

No-one quite knew what to say in response to that, Ste couldn't really make heads nor tails of it, ever so slightly agreeing, but still feeling the need to defend Brendan. Once again they were interrupted; it seemed to be becoming a habit now, this time by the doorbell. As the air was still tense and the conversation not over, the three of them left the room to get the door, the kids staying behind, blissfully unaware as to what was going on.

Brendan opened the door, Ste and Doug stood behind him in an unnatural way, making it clear to whoever was on the other side that there were bad vibes in the air.

"Hello Brendan son" Ste heard.

He saw Brendan's shoulders square up, his head lower slightly and he didn't miss the way his fists clenched at the voice. Brendan stepped aside and Ste was finally faced with Seamus Brady, Brendan's father. All thoughts of his ongoing argument with Doug left his mind.

From the little Ste knew about him, and the way he held himself in that moment, Ste knew he would not, and did not, like this man.

"Da" was all Brendan croaked.


	6. Chapter 6

**So, thank you all so much for the reviews and messages I've received, you don't know how grateful I am or them. Here is the next chapter, not as long as I'd hoped but I want to try and get another out tomorrow and this felt like a good place to end it. Sorry for making you wait so long, work just sucked me in and took away any creative juices I had. There is one sentence in this that I'm not entirely sure makes sense, but I couldn't think of a way to re-write it. If you do happen to notice it, I'm sorry and ignore it. So, here we go.**

**Chapter Six**

"Da"

The way Brendan had croaked out his greeting to his Dad had been running over and over in Ste's mind. The brief argument between Doug and he had been postponed for now, even Doug realised that Brendan's reaction to his Dad was something that needed delicate handling.

Ste stood under the shower, letting the hot water relax him as much as it could. He furiously tried to push down his worries about how Brendan had reacted to Seamus, how his whole body physically shrank down and coward, how his knuckles were white from his grip on the door handle. This was Brendan Brady, he didn't cower to anyone. It didn't sit right with Ste.

Ste didn't know very much about Seamus, just that he had turned up in the village a little while before his wedding, had been in the village _that day_, just after Amy had left with the children. The day Ste had put his heart on the line- had been willing to sacrifice everything he'd built for himself, on Brendan. He and Brendan hadn't exactly been on close terms before that day, but they'd been getting on far better than they had in a long time, chatting without any awkwardness in the deli and keeping conversation light. Then Ste had thought he'd ruined it all, by coming on to Brendan that day. It was before he'd married Doug, however the wedding plans were all set, the guest list was finalised and the day approaching fast. He'd turned to Brendan, his head was a mess. He was due to be married to a man he loved but wasn't sure he was _in love_ with, and his children had just moved out of Hollyoaks.

Brendan hadn't rejected him in a horrible way, Ste had thought he looked guilty doing it, but now, seeing his reaction to Seamus, he wondered if it was because of his presence. Ste knew Seamus was homophobic, knew he'd knocked Brendan around as a child and that there was bad blood between them. What he didn't know, was how scared Brendan still seemed to be. Cheryl and Brendan had RSVP'd to the wedding before Seamus arrived, but they withdrew their attendance not long after Seamus arrived and then they'd left. That had caused a few issues with the wedding plans for Ste and Doug, as well as giving Doug far more satisfaction than Ste appreciated.

It was nearing 6:30pm and according to Nate they needed to leave for the restaurant at 7pm latest. Leah and Lucas were ready and being occupied by the television whilst Ste and Doug finished getting themselves suited for dinner. Doug was looking pensively at Ste.

"Go on Doug, what is it? I can see you've got something to say"

"I'm sorry about before Ste, it's just you being around Brendan like this unsettles me. I know we're together and we're not here for very long, but I can't help it. Even now, whatever went on with you and Brendan, it's never going to be resolved and it's never going to get easier for me, especially when he makes it so glaringly obvious that he still loves you. I just need that reassurance that I'm enough for you, I can't help that"

"You are enough for me" Ste said, giving Doug a peck on the lips.

Ste wasn't lying, Doug was enough for him, that was never the issue. Doug was loyal, he loved Ste and he never had any problems with him and his children or Amy. Until he'd arrived in Ireland, he'd been content with his life. It might not have had that spark or excitement it once had, but he was settled and he was happy enough. It was only now he was in Brendan's company again, did he realise that whilst Doug was enough for him, there was so much more he could have had with Brendan. It might not have been calm and settled, but there would never be a boring day. There might be a lot of fire and arguments with Brendan, but there would have been a passion, bordering on obsession with the two of them. Everything would have been intense. They'd have loved intensely, they'd have fought intensely, it was how they'd always been.

"Doug" Ste had had a realisation.

"Mmm" he responded not looking up.

"Can I ask you a favour? I know you won't like it, but I'm asking you to do this, for me?"

"I already don't like where this is going, what is it?"

"Brendan's dad right, he's properly horrible. I've never met him, but Brendan told me things in the past. I was just wondering whether we could play down our relationship tonight, at this dinner?

"What, Ste - why?" Doug asked. He already didn't like the sound of this.

"He's homophobic OK. That's one of the reasons Brendan never really accepted who he was right. But also, it's Cheryl's wedding and she's my best mate, but it won't be her that he'll be horrible to, he thinks the suns shines out of his backside. It'll be Brendan. And I know you don't like him or owe him anything, but I just think it'll be easier for everyone if Seamus isn't making sly comments about us and Brendan." Ste was taking an educated guess at what Seamus would be like. Brendan hadn't told him much, but he knew that Cheryl loved him and thought he could do no wrong. Which meant that Brendan would be the one being ridiculed all evening and Ste knew how that felt.

"Fine Ste, but I'm doing it because I don't think it's right that anyone should be degraded for their sexuality, no other reason." Doug confirmed.

"Thank you Doug. I mean it" and as if someone had been waiting for them to finish talking, there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" Ste shouted.

Cheryl appeared.

"Hiya boys, you ready to go? We've got two cars waiting outside when you're ready. Me, Nate, Brendan and Da are going in one, you guys in the other, so we'll meet you at the restaurant. The reservation is booked under Nate's name if you beat us there"

"Just coming"

* * *

They gathered the children up and split into their respective cars. The journey was uneventful yet Ste's stomach was in knots. He was unsure as to who was going to be at this dinner, but he had a rough idea. There were a few faces he was expecting to see that filled him with worry, although he wasn't sure why. His main concerns, however, were keeping the kids in check in the posh restaurant and that Seamus stayed as far away from him, and Brendan, as was possible. Ste already hated the man and he'd not even said three words to him. It was irrational, he knew that – taking Brendan's word on this man – but Brendan's word was something he'd experienced first-hand himself with Terry, so his guard was up automatically.

The Brady's plus Nate had arrived at the restaurant before them and were greeting what Ste assumed were other dinner guests. As they got out of the car, Ste recognised Declan, Eileen and who he guessed was Padraig. Making their way over, Declan was the first to notice him.

"Ste!" he called, excusing himself from the group and hurrying towards him.

"Deccy, how's it going?" Declan had gone in for a handshake, surprising Ste with the formal gesture. He'd blossomed into a handsome man in the 18 months since Ste had last seen him, a complete mix between Brendan and Eileen. Ste shook his hand with gusto, he'd missed Declan's enthusiasm.

"Yeah, grand ta. How are ye? I hear you got married"

"Yeah, I'm alright. I did, to Doug. Almost a year ago now" he nodded towards Doug "I think you met him once maybe? I own the deli with him".

"A year ago, wow"

Doug introduced himself and Ste could see the scepticism behind Declan's eyes – knew what he'd be thinking, much the same as his Dad.

"Right guys, time to get seated, people are inside already" Nate announced.

They were lead to their table, name cards in situ. Ste was seemingly sat quite central on the table, Cheryl, Brendan, Nate and his parents surrounding him. Doug had been sat opposite, with Lucas whilst Leah was next to Ste. He looked around at the guests, knowing everyone besides Nate's parents and Seamus and Paddy he supposed. There was still an empty seat however.

"Chez, who's not here yet?" he asked.

"Eoghan. He said he'll be a bit late, he's just finishing up at his bar." Ste wasn't particularly a fan of Eoghan, Lynsey's brother and Brendan's sort-of-ex, and Ste could see that Cheryl remembered when she was telling him, a sympathetic look in her eyes.

Ste knew Nate had a lot of money behind him, he'd just underestimated how much. Champagne arrived at the table the second everyone had seated, orange juice for the children. Not one word had been uttered to the waiters, it all happened knowingly.

Ste could hear Declan asking Eileen if he was allowed a glass of champagne.

"No Deccy, you're not old enough"

"Please Ma, just one glass. I'm technically allowed to have one with a meal any way. Dad? What do you say?" he'd turned the charm onto Brendan now.

"If it were down to me, I'd say yes. But yer Ma said no. I don't fare my chances going against her" Ste knew that Eileen would change her mind now, not wanting to be the bad guy and Brendan the good guy.

"Fine. One glass." Eileen's resolve was even shorter than Ste had expected.

"Thanks Ma".

It was strange for Ste, seeing Brendan acting like this around his ex-wife and children. It was a world apart from the behaviour he'd experienced each time Eileen or Declan had visited Hollyoaks. The lies, the shame and the secret double life all in the past, even Eileen wasn't uptight as he'd remembered.

* * *

Time passed by, meals were eaten and champagne was drunk with idle chit chat and the odd speech given in between. It was a blissful evening. Ste found himself getting to know Nate's parents, his Father had been in the oil industry, it was how he'd made his fortune. To his surprise, Ste even found himself having a laugh with Eileen, any awkwardness gone. They'd just finished dessert when Seamus started clinking his glass, indicating he wanted to make a speech. It filled Ste with unease.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you don't mind. I'd like to make a speech, in honour of my baby girl. I couldn't be happier for Cheryl, finally meeting a man worthy of her. I wish them a life time of happiness in their marriage and I just know my daughter will do me proud, won't let me down like my son did. She may be leaving behind the Brady name, but she'll always have the Brady courage. Shame I can't say the same about Brendan" Seamus was slurring.

"Da" Cheryl warned.

"Let me finish" he snapped. "I know you'll do right and won't disgrace what marriage is meant to be about, won't divorce like them two" looking between Eileen and Brendan "nor will you degrade everything about it, like the little gay boys over there"

There was a collective gasp from the guests.

"Da. I think it's time you left" Brendan was taking charge.

"You think you can tell me what to do, son? You're even worse than the little married queers. Divorced and queer, you bring shame to the Brady name"

"Seamus, you need to leave. Now" Nate had a burst of authority, it took Ste by surprise, also giving him the shove he needed to stand up for himself.

"Can you go please? I've got me kids here, and your grandkids, they don't need to listen to your hate" Ste saw Brendan whipped his head towards Ste, a warning look in his eye.

"Ah, you. You're the one, aren't ye? The little queer that made my boy gay" Seamus spat the last word, like it physically caused him pain to say it. "You're the one he loves, the one who has him acting like a nancy boy, trying to be a better man, moving towns like a love sick puppy. You disgust me"

"THAT'S ENOUGH. I WANT YOU TO GO. NOW" Cheryl's outburst made Ste jump, knocking his drink over himself.

He jumped up, needing to make his way to the bathroom. However, Cheryl's outburst at her father seemed to just go over his head, ignoring what she'd asked.

"That's it. You run along to the bathroom now, be sure to warn all the other men though, they won't want you looking at them, dirty queer."

Suddenly, there was a huge commotion, the sound of chairs scraping on the floor, a scream from Cheryl and lots of glasses smashing. The whole restaurants attention was now on Seamus on the floor, face bloodied with Brendan looming over him, knuckles bleeding.

"Don't you ever, EVER, talk about Steven like that again, you hear me" Brendan's voice bellowed around the whole building, his rage rolling off of him in waves. Seamus didn't give up there though.

"Good to see you do still have some of that fighting spirit in you boy, even if it's only because of him" Seamus was smirking. Ste couldn't believe the audacity of him. If he'd hate him before, he loathed him with all his might now.

Ste could see that Brendan was inches from throwing another punch.

"Brendan" his voice came out a lot stronger than he'd been expecting. "He's not worth it"

Brendan looked up at Steven, his eyes still filled with that rage he'd grown accustomed to, but he could see his body relaxing, ever so slightly.

"You're right." Brendan took a deep breath in, gave one last glare at his father, before storming out of the restaurant. Ste could tell all eyes were on him, could hear his children crying in the background, could see the pleading on Doug's face, not wanting him to follow Brendan out of the restaurant but knowing he was fighting a lost cause.

Ste turned and ran after Brendan.


End file.
